Hypnagogia
by attackonhunter
Summary: Haise usually saw the white haired man in his dreams. Problems arise when he starts to see him while he is still awake. Kaneki/Kaneki (kind of).
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This story probably won't be too long. It won't be very romantic, probably just really, really fluffy and comforting. Oh yeah, and horror filled. Yay! Kaneki needs a hell of a lot more hugs.

So, this is the result of the poll I put on my profile from my last story. It seemed Kaneki/Kaneki was the winning ship, so, here you go.

**Chapter 1: Transition**

Sasaki Haise twirled the pen between his fingers, staring blankly at the report in front of him. He was trying to focus. He really, _really_ was. The blank paper stared back at him. He scowled, refusing to lift his head, impatiently tapping the end of the pen on the wooden table.

He sighed. "Okay." He raised his head, hoping to find the room empty.

It wasn't.

In the centre of the room there was a wooden chair stained dark. First of all, he knew there was no chair there. But, that wasn't his biggest concern. His biggest concern was the person sitting in the chair. And. They. Were. Definitely. Not. Real.

Blood dripped to the floor in an insistent trickle, falling from the man's body. His snow white hair, similar to the ends of Haise's, was matted and greasy. His face was hidden, as it often was in his apparitions.

But, it was different than usual. This man only used to appear in his dreams. In his nightmares. Begging for acceptance with that voice of his that never failed to cause a chill to run down Haise's spine. Sometimes grabbing Haise, bringing him horrifyingly close, and revealing his masked face.

Right now? Haise wasn't dreaming. No, he was most definitely awake. He could not count the number of times he pinched himself, dug his nails into the palms of his hands or bit his lip until it bleed. And still, the figure across the room did not disappear.

The pen in his hand fell to the table with a clatter. Still, the man did not look up. Haise sighed, folding his hands and leaning his chin on them, whilst staring holes into the top of the white haired man's head.

This was going to be a problem. Hell, it already was. Maybe he should tell Akira? No. She was busy. She didn't need him bothering her with something like this. He could at least _try_ to solve it himself. Surely that wouldn't hurt, right?

Haise stood from the couch slowly. He cautiously approached the man, not even blinking. He crouched in front of him, waving his trembling hand in front of his face. Still, there was no reaction.

Maybe he wasn't as talkative as he was in Haise's dreams. Hopefully. If it stayed the way it was… Haise might actually be able to stand it. He would just get used to having a… blooded, white haired man who looked like he would fit perfectly into a horror movie following him around.

Okay, so that was a definite _no_.

But, wait. Haise had never actually left the room he was in. Maybe if he did, the man wouldn't follow. It was a long shot… but… Maybe the man was confined only to the study.

Haise nodded to himself, backing away slowly. He picked up his work, feeling for the doorknob to the hallway behind him, never taking his eyes off the unmoving figure in the chair.

Haise walked backwards into the hallway, closing the study door with a soft, barely audible click. He breathed a sigh of relief when he turned around to gaze down the dark hallway. It was empty. The only sound was the faint snoring of one of his subordinates. He retreated to his own room, locking the door behind him. It wasn't like it would help with anything, but it made him feel better.

He dumped his work onto the small desk beside his bed. Without the distraction, he should be able to finish it for Akira. He reached over to turn on the table lamp.

As soon as he flipped the switch he knew he made a mistake. The light flashed on, casting the artificial glow over everything in his room. Including, the man that seemed to be now sitting in Haise's computer chair. He wasn't there a few seconds ago. It was as if the light had summoned him there.

Haise froze, slowly withdrawing his arm from the light, eyes sideways, once against staring at the man.

So, _maybe_ if he turned the light back off?

His hand drifted back to the switch. He swallowed, throat feeling tight as his fingers ghosted over the little black button that would once again throw the room into near darkness.

_Click._ And the room was dark. Haise blinked his eyes, trying to get them to refocus. When they finally did, he could see that the chair beside him was empty.

He wanted to let out a cry of victory, maybe dance. He had gotten rid of him! A grin was spread across his face when he heard a faint sound just over his shoulder.

He really didn't want to turn around. His gut instinct was telling him he was not going to like what we was going to see. But, he _had _to. He deliberately swiveled his head to look over his shoulder, meeting a single red and black eye.

Haise yelped, trying to turn and back away from the man at the same time. In result, he fell flat on his ass, knocking his head on his bed frame.

The faint sound continued, whispering. If Haise listen closely enough, he could make out words.

"_Ah…. Aaahaha… dark. It's so dark. Haha. I can't see… please… turn on the light…"_ Haise heard incoherent whimpering sounds. "_Ah – ah! I can hear… hear... I can hear it…"_

Haise whimpered. He was walking towards him, his feet stumbling with each motion, dragging and tripping over the floor, but still steadily coming. All the while he continued his moans and soft, terrified cries. He stopped before Haise and then squatted down, bringing their heads to the same level. He leaned forward, coming closer, forcing Haise to arch his neck, turning to not look at him.

If he ignored him, would he go away?

He could feel his icy cold breath brush against his neck, making the hair stand up. His hands gripped the edge of his bed and he tried to pull himself up and away, his legs not working. In the end, all he managed to do was pull off the blanket.

The man's cold lips brushed against his ear. _"Do you hear it, Haise? Do you hear that sound? Listen. Ah –"_ All that Haise could hear was the sound of his own laboured breathing. _"You aren't trying Haise."_

Suddenly, he could hear something. It was growing steadily louder. The sound made him cringe and he was sure he had never heard it before, but it made his stomach drop with its eerie familiarity. It was a strangle rustling. Haise clenched his teeth, hands trying to come up to cover his ears. But he couldn't move them. They felt like they were pinned behind his back, but for the life of him he couldn't remember how they had gotten there.

He heard the man's voice again. _"That is the sound of a live centipede in your ear."_

Haise trembled, tears running down his face, unable to make a sound. He couldn't even scream.

…

The blaring sound of Haise's alarm woke him up the next morning. He found himself still sitting on the floor by his bed, the blankets pooled beside him. He rubbed his eyes, pulling the phone out of his pocket, hastily turning off the unwelcome noise. He groaned, pushing himself off the floor, feeling his sore body squeak in protest, and scanned the room.

It was empty.

Not like that meant anything. He shook his head, enjoying the peace while he could. He grabbed his towel and quickly went to take his shower before everyone else woke up.

He turned on the hot water and stepped in, not minding that it was burning his skin. It soothed his muscles and helped him relax, not to mention clear his head of what happened last night. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

At a time like that, it was easy to imagine that maybe it _was_ all a dream. Maybe he had thought up the whole thing the night before while sleeping. It wasn't _impossible_ and he did fall out of the bed pretty often. Also, the dark circles under his eyes were something that usually came with his nightmares. He didn't remember having any other ones than the very _real_ seeming one, so perhaps that was the answer.

He of course, ignored the fact that his dark circles could also mean he got next to no sleep that night. Which was the result of having that freaking, horror inducing white haired man whispering terrifying things into his ear all night.

But, he would go with the earlier, and far less disturbing explanation.

He smiled to himself. Yes, it was all a dream. It would be stupid to think otherwise.

He stepped out of the shower, drying his hair and wrapping the towel around his body. Yawning, he walked up to the small mirror, getting his toothbrush. As he was brushing his teeth, he tried looking into the mirror, but found it was fogged from his hot shower. Irritated, from lack of sleep, he impatiently wiped the surface with his palm, clearing a small section of it.

He almost choked on his toothpaste. There, in the reflection, was the white haired man. Haise's eyes widened, unable to part from the masked man. He was fixated on the one, single eye that was situated in the middle of his pointed mask. The man's other two eyes were blank and unfocused.

Haise shuddered, trying to go on with his morning routine, a single thought filling his head. _At least he wasn't dripping with blood this time_.

…

Haise went about his day as normally as he could at the CCG. Every once in a while, he would think he had finally lost the man, but then he would take a closer look around him and find him somewhere. Either in a reflection, or in a dark corner. Though, he usually appeared where it was brightest. He didn't seem to like the dark.

He knew Akira noticed he was off, but it wasn't all that uncommon for him to be kept up by nightmares or from doing work. She simply brought him a large coffee to him after she had seen his state in the morning and didn't say anything about it.

By the time Haise got home he was extremely tired, struggling to keep his heavy lids from falling closed over his eyes. And sure enough, when he went to his room to try and catch some sleep, there he was, sitting on the end of his bed, head lowered.

However, he gave off a different aura than the one he previously did the night before. Haise heard the dripping again, and realized it wasn't blood hitting the floor, but tears. The white haired man was crying, and now that Haise inspected him closer, he could see the streams running from his cheeks to his chin and the way he trembled and shook as sobs wracked through his body.

Haise was astounded by the instinct that ran through him. He almost involuntarily took a step towards the man and pulled him into an embrace. He wanted to comfort him? Sure, that was his normal reaction when someone was crying. But, the person in front of him was far from normal. Hell, Haise didn't even know if he was _real._ Scratch that. Haise knew he _was not_ real.

So, why did he find himself moving to sit beside him on the bed, pressing against his side and running his palm soothingly against his back? Why did he find himself mumbling words in a calming voice? Why did he find himself to be so _concerned_ for the poor figure, no bigger than himself?

Why did he even feel so pleased when the man relaxed into his arms, accepting the embrace he offered only after a second thought? Why did he not even _give_ a second thought to pulling him down next to him on the bed, tucking his head into his chest and running a hand through the man's hair until he fell into a deep sleep?

Why did he feel so disappointed when he woke up in the morning and the man wasn't there anymore?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Temperament**

Haise never did end up telling Akira about the white haired man. He got used to his presence… but not quite so used to some of his tendencies. The man would either sit, reserved and away from him, his sobs never failing to bring forth the protective nature in Haise, or, he would spend his times scaring the crap out of Haise.

Today seemed to be the latter. Haise blinked his eyes heavily, staring up at the ceiling. He squinted, seeing a dark figure hovering above him. The man's kagune was activated, thin, sharp and pointed legs dug into the ceiling, supporting him. His head turned, clicking sounds coming from his throat.

"Yeah, sure." Haise muttered after unfreezing. It was too damn early in the morning for him to give a shit. He could feel the man's blood as it dropped on his face.

Haise sighed, getting up. He walked to the bathroom, not looking behind him. He could hear the man scuttling across the floor. Or maybe the wall? It didn't matter.

His gaze drifted over the mirror, almost expecting for there to be a reflection. But, there wasn't. He smashed the mirror days ago, telling his subordinates that he simply slipped after taking a shower. He suspected they didn't buy the explanation at all.

He felt a hand touch his shoulder and he shook it off. When arms wrapped around him from behind, fingers with no nails digging into the skin on his bare chest, he pried them off, paying no attention to the deep, choking sounds behind him.

* * *

><p>"How have you been doing lately, Sasaki?" Akira examined his face with vague concern, which only slightly overshadowed the doubt and analytical look fliting through her eyes, mere seconds before they softened again.<p>

He sighed. "I'm fine." He resumed to sipping his coffee, keeping his eyes on the table.

"You don't seem to be fine. Have you been getting enough sleep?" She pressed, the hard look returning. It was at times like this that Haise was reminded that she was his superior and was not just a friend.

"No. I've been having troubles with it, honestly. I think it's temporary. Probably just stress." His eyes flicked over to the table behind Akira, where the man was sitting.

"_Probably, _huh?" She glanced over her shoulder, seeing that there was nothing there.

Haise fidgeted. "It's nice out today, don't you think…"

"Don't change the subject, Sasaki." Her eyes burned into his. "If it's a problem, I need to know. _You_ know that."

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry. Things have just been so busy lately and I didn't want to be a bother…" He clasped the warm cup, feeling it warm his cold hands.

Akira noticeably relaxed, a faint smile tugging on the corner of her lips. "You are forgiven. No matter how busy it is, you need to keep me informed. I will inform the doctor that you need to up your medication. Go see him later today." She stood, smoothing her cloths. "Take care, Haise."

* * *

><p>Haise stared at the pills in his hand. Four of them, twice as many as before. Would they really help him? Akira said they would. They <em>did<em> help with his anxiety, but Haise didn't really know what they were. He wanted to ask, but something kept telling him that he shouldn't.

He popped them into his mouth, taking a large gulp of water to wash them down his throat. He laid on his bed, closing his eyes.

He felt so relaxed, mind calming as the medication slowly took its effect. He soon fell to sleep, hearing the broken sobs from across the room fade into nothingness.

For the first time in so long, he slept peacefully.

* * *

><p>The next day was just as peaceful. The man didn't appear anywhere. Nor did him the next day, or the next. Or the next. Much to his pleasure, he recovered and functioned as he normal did, carrying out his job with great competence. Akira seemed pleased as well, he noted, noticing her positivity when he declared the medication helped a great deal.<p>

He continued taking the dosage of medication prescribed, but a sick feeling was beginning to build in his stomach. Why did those little pills make the man disappear? Did everyone else know something he did not?

Akira was too adamant about him taking the pills. What would happen if he stopped?

* * *

><p>"<em>Haise…. Haise…. HAISE!"<em>

Haise jerked up in hid bed, fumbling to untangle the sweaty covers from his legs. He pressed his palm against his chest, trying to calm the desperate breathing that rasped through his teeth. He reclosed his eyes, a throbbing headache keeping him from opening them once more.

He shouldn't have expected it to last forever. He knew that was impossible. But, this was something else entirely. It seemed his nightmares were coming back with a vengeance.

The man wasn't there. That was a first, and Haise would have passed it off as a normal nightmare, but it felt far too real to him.

One thing stuck with him, haunting him.

So many times, Haise saw the man in the chair. Sitting, crying. But, this time, the man wasn't in the chair. Haise was.

He saw his fingernails slowly pried off, fingers broken and gradually torn from the joints. Blood. There was so much blood. He heard counting. He heard laughing.

He tried to halt his thoughts of the dream. He ran downstairs, almost tripping over his own feet on the descent. He hastily prepared coffee to brew, desperately trying to focus on the task.

A few minutes later he was seated at the kitchen table, the full moon glaring down at him through the window. He cursed, rubbing his eyes in agitation. His hand once carefully curled around the coffee cup tightened and cause it to break, the dark fluid to slowly flood to the edge, trickling off steadily.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

He resisted the wild urge to smash the remnants of the mug, crushing them into smaller pieces, the sudden, intense urge shocking him. He measured his breathing, trying to calm the rise and fall of his chest.

He cleaned the mess, not able to stand the sound. He was about to calmly sit down again when the alarm on his phone went off upstairs.

That was right, he had to get up early that day to head in to finish some work. He hurried back up the stairs, aiming to turn the annoying beeping off before it woke up everyone in the house. He struggled to make his fingers work, their violent trembling making him fumble the phone. It fell to the ground with a loud clank and then was silent.

He groaned. Well, that was that.

He walked over to his chest, pulling out a small plastic bottle, shaking four small, white tablets into his hand. His daily medication. He held it in his hand, rolling the pills back and forth with his fingers, considering.

Acting on impulse, he closed the bottle, dumping the four pills in his hand into the nearby garbage. They make a distinct clink as they hit the bottom of the metal tin. Haise quickly dressed and headed off to work.

* * *

><p>Haise was able to go home early, thanks to the extra time he put in in the morning. Because of that, he was home alone, his subordinates still at work.<p>

He threw off his coat and loosened his tie, rolling his sleeves up to just below his elbows.

He had been seeing him around all day. Vague shadows, out of the corner of his eye, would notify Haise of his presence, but he would never explicitly appear in his line of vision. It was as if he had lost some of his boldness, but Haise knew it was because the medication had not worn off enough yet.

The whole time he sat on the sofa, waiting, there was a part of him screaming to take his medication, but he couldn't bring himself to move his legs to get it.

He had to know.

He couldn't continue on the way he was. The secrets kept from him. The way his coworkers looked at him. The feigned friendship between Akira and he and how Arima's eyes were filled with pity every time Haise caught him staring at him. He just couldn't take it.

He had made a life, but that life was a lie. He would have happily lived that lie, because he felt a darkness deep inside himself and knew that the truth was even darker. He could feel the way his heart ached and his stomach turned and the way his head throbbed whenever he thought about what his past might have been like.

And yet he couldn't leave it be.

Knowing the darkness was there, always lurking, was something he could not allow. It hung threateningly like a fog around him. He had to know the truth. He knew the truth was dangerous, yes, but how would he be able to protect his loved ones from the danger if he didn't even know what it was?

He knew it was connected to him.

Was it himself?

Or was it something or someone that was attached to him?

He heard the gasping breathing beside him and he knew who had just taken a seat beside him on the couch. He turned his head, meeting the blank gaze of the man, his mask obscuring his face.

Blood dripped from his body and dissolved into the fabric seats of the couch, not leaving a single stain. The man maked a low keening sound, head tilted to the side, and grotesque, clawed fingers reaching towards him with deadly accuracy.

Haise pulls him into a hug, making him freeze. Haise felt him shudder and try to look up in confusion, but he tightly held the man's head against his chest.

As the man began to cry in broken, wet sobs Haise considered his own stupidity.

When the man was in this state, in his horrifying and twisted state, was when he needed to be comforted the most.

He felt tears run down his own face as the man's soaked his shirt. Even if this was all he could do, Haise felt as though comforting this poor, warped man somehow brought himself some solace. As he rubbed circles on the man's back he felt his own heart rate slow. He could feel the man's heartbeat against his chest and distantly realized their hearts were beating in unison.

He felt the man's arms curl around his back, mirroring his own and Haise rested his head peacefully on top of the other's, the scent of blood replaced with something else. Something far more pleasant, something sweeter and fresh. He placed small kisses in the man's hair as he relaxed further, breath deepening.

Haise wished he could have stayed like that forever. He never wanted to let the man go. He want to continue his embrace, feeling the warmth that filled his arms and made its way to his chest and he wanted to continue to whisper quietly, not truly saying anything, but feeling the way the man relaxed at the very sound of his voice.

But, he couldn't, because he knew this man was the answer to his past, the answer to the darkness that surrounded him and constantly threatened him and the people he loved. But, he also loved this man, and he didn't want to upset him when he already seemed to be so distressed.

Keeping his voice soft, he whispered, "Who is it, that lives inside of me?"

The man lifted his head, voice still in that horrible, rasping tone, but Haise now knew the man meant him no harm. "Are you ready to accept me?"

Haise paused. There was no turning back after this. He could say 'no' and continue his life the way it was… or…

"Yes."

He could head towards something different, and hopefully, something better.

**Author's Note:** Dear mysterious bug that decided to fall on my face in the stairwell, _thank you for the fucking inspiration._ Sorry, I was a little later with this chapter than I intended. All the school work I procrastinated while working on Deep Blue caught up with me. Hidekane week and my exams are coming up, but I hope to get you the last chapter of this story in a week's time.

Thank you to those who have read. Special thanks to those who have reviewed: FreakyFee94, Zorolover3, Sachiel Angelo, Kayla TheMuffinLord and an unnamed guest.

P.S. Everybody remember to take their medication.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Tactic **

Images were burning themselves into Haise's mind. The man held him as he gasped, convulsing into another round of quakes. He was comfortably warm, in contrast to how Haise first perceived him. Now, it was _his _hands that soothed and rubbed the centre of his spine.

The memory of pain in his side made him jerk up, but the man held him tight in his embrace.

_Bookstore date… blood… pain… scrambled insides… Rize._

He shuddered as he was rocked back and forth. He found himself curled into a tight ball, knees drawn in and head bowed. At some point he ended up on the man's lap, his back supported by the armrest of the couch.

_Investigators… fight… mask… hunger. Hunger. Hunger. HUNGER. Gourmet… restaurant… _

More names came back to him.

_Hide, Touka, Yoshimura, Nishio, Hinami, Yomo, Uta, Itori, Tsukiyama, Kimi, Banjou, Ayato… Yamori…_

He gasped, bile rising to the back of his throat. Tears sprung to his eyes as he caught a glimpse of what was yet to come.

"…no…" He sobbed. "_Please, no._ I don't want… I can't… I can't… _please._"

"I'm sorry." He heard the voice whispered above him as he dissolved into more memories. It seemed to drag on and on without end.

_He was sitting in the chair, just as he was in his nightmare. He could feel his fingers ache as they healed slowly, the pain all throughout his body and the echoing of the centipede as if it was still in his ear. He could still hear the man's laughter as he did all those things and he could see the horrific joy on his face. _

_He could see him killing them: Kei and Kouta. Mother and child. Right before him as he watched. He could have saved one of them, if only he had made a choice. _

He gagged, though nothing came out of his empty stomach than its own acid.

_He was knelling over the body off a ghoul, its wretched flesh filling his mouth and his stomach, muting the ever growing hunger in him. He had to be stronger. The strong devour the weak and the weak are devoured by the strong. _

_He was surrounded by fighting. Surrounded by chaos and only burying himself deeper in it, though that only became apparent when there was a quinque driven through his head twice._

He hardly even felt the arms around him anymore. He was too far gone.

_He was in a dark room, much like the one Jason kept him in, and similar in its purpose as well. He couldn't count how many days it had been. The woman would come, do her job, and then leave, others taking her place. They would force loads of information on him and then ask him questions. When he answered them incorrectly, they would go, and the torturer would return for another round once he was healed. The cycle was repeated and repeated._

"_What is your name?" They would ask._

"_Kaneki Ken."_

"_And you are?"_

"_A ghoul." _

_They would take some notes and be back only hours later with the exact same questions._

"_What is your name?" _

"_Kaneki Ken."_

"_And you are?"_

"_A ghoul." _

_It was a long time before he gave a different answer. Despite everything he had been through, he couldn't hold on forever. Eventually, over time they had their desired effect._

_What is your name?" _

"_Sasaki Haise."_

"_And you are?"_

"_A ghoul investigator."_

_And it took them longer yet to make him forget what they had done to him, through both torture and medication. Though, he was quite willing to accept the belief it had never happened and let go of the agony. _

But now, he was forced to accept the agony, embrace it. He had no choice. If he didn't, it would destroy him. But, that didn't mean that it still didn't hurt. He opened his eyes and no longer saw the room around him. He was standing in a black field, and there were trampled, red flowers beneath his feat. With his back turned to him, the man stood, his hair moving in the wind.

"Kaneki." Haise whispered and the man turned towards him. With his face uncovered from the mask he could see who he really was. He looked just like Haise did, but a little younger. His eyes were incredibly drained, a hollow gray.

Kaneki gave him a weak smile. "So, you have remembered it all." Haise's knees collapsed under him and he fell forward, fingers twisting and tearing in the black grass. His whole body shivered as he was overcome with sobs.

His life was a lie. All the relationships he had built. His own identity. It was all a lie. He didn't want to believe it, but the truth was before him, unavoidable and prominent.

Kaneki wrapped his arms around his shoulders, drawing his head once again to his chest. "You are… me." Haise whispered, voice cracking. It was true, somewhere he had always known it, deep down.

"Yes." Kaneki murmured into his ear. "We are one."

Haise tucked his chin, tears streaming down his face. The whole time his memories were blocked, something inside him was fighting to break to free from the shackles the CCG placed on him. This person in front of him was the manifestation of that.

Kaneki pulled Haise closer towards him slowly. His lips pressed against his for a single second before he pulled away with another one of his weak smiles plastered on his face. Haise wondered distantly if that was what he looked like when he tried to seem happy.

Kaneki's lips started to move and Haise listened in a daze. "We've rested enough. I think it's time we wake up." He sounded remorseful and Haise understood.

Ignorance was bliss. The truths of his world were painful, but they were things he had to face. He would have stayed where he was in this moment, if it weren't for the need to reclaim the life that was stolen from him. If it weren't for the need to go back to the people he once knew.

Haise firmly locked lips with Kaneki again, hands in his hair to keep in him place. He wanted to experience the warmth one more time before he was left alone.

_Except he always was alone._ The person in front of him was just someone his mind created, a figment of his past, the precursor and the bringer of his future. The changer of his present.

He could feeling him dissolving under his fingertips as if he were melting. Haise tried to hold onto him, but he kept slipping further and further away out of his grasp.

"I'm a part of you again... finally." He said softly. And then, he was gone.

Haise collapsed down onto the ground, holding his head tightly, pulling on his hair. An inhuman wail ripped through the air. _It was too much. It was too much. _

* * *

><p>He felt gentle hands shake him awake and he sat up with a start, meeting the worried eyes of Mutsuki, who stood off to the side cautiously.<p>

"Sorry…" He muttered. "It looked like you were having a nightmare." He was quiet, and Haise noticed he was a fair distance away from the couch. And, judging by the way Haise was laying, he probably swung at him in panic when he woke up.

Haise shook his head. "Thank you. Sorry about that." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "What time is it?" He had no idea when he had actually fallen asleep, or how long he had been out.

"Uh – It's just past six."

Haise nodded and picked himself up, pausing to stretch. Mutsuki gave him another curious look before retreating out of the room, presumably to get supper after a long day at work or to retrieve more comfortable cloths.

Haise made is way up to his room slowly and closed the door behind him. It all felt so alien, yet so familiar at the same time. This was his room, but at the same time it wasn't.

He didn't know how to feel. He knew the time spent as Sasaki Haise wasn't fake. Indeed, he was himself. But, in a way he wasn't. Sasaki Haise was someone who wasn't totally marred by the horrors Kaneki Ken had faced. He was something purer, and had a life far more desirable than Kaneki's.

The time he spent as Haise was a façade. Not just in terms of physically having his slate whipped clean, but also in the emotional context.

He could no longer continue his life as Sasaki Haise. It was impossible, knowing what he did now. Knowing the pain that was forced upon him to believe the lies and cover up the truth. Knowing that he was just a disposable tool to the CCG.

But, at the same time, the time he had spent with his superiors and his subordinates was valuable to him, even if it all was false. He regarded them with warmth, much as he would have to his old friends.

But, he had to choose. There were always hard choices he had to make. If he tried to keep both, he would lose both, just like he had lost Kei and Kouta. If the CCG found out he remembered, they would kill him.

He undid his tie, carefully hanging it and removed his shirt, throwing it off into the laundry bin. He did the same with the rest of the cloths he was wearing, only stopping momentarily to trace the scar that ran up his side. He dressed quickly in dark clothes, some of the only casual ones he owned: a dark pair of jeans and a black hoodie that he could pull up to obscure his hair, given that it was his most defining characteristic.

He walked over to the window, opening it, the cool afternoon air brushing across his face. He was about to jump out when looked back into the room. Sighing, he made his way over to his bed. He made it neatly, carefully, before he went to where his CCG jacket hung on the door of his closet. He folded it and laid it on the bed. Once he was finished he retrieved his suitcase that held his quinque and the small bottle of pills from within his drawer. He placed the suitcase on top of his jacket and the pills on top of that. It looked like some twisted altar, a memoir of his time with the CCG.

As soon as he was noticed to be missing Akira would be called. Seeing this, she would surely realize what had happened. He knew he was only cutting down his time for escape by doing it, but even so, he felt he had to.

He now knew the CCG was no better than Aogiri, with the way they used people. The way they used _ghouls_. But, not everyone was bad. He was sure, there were people like Akira, people like some of his subordinates that were only to trying to fight for the greater good, no matter how misguided they may be. For that reason, he wanted to pay his respects and acknowledge his time in the CCG wasn't all bad. He had saved many lives with the people he called his colleagues, his friends.

He flicked off the light in his room and was pitched into darkness. It seemed the sun had set. It was time for him to go.

He peeled himself away, taking one last look around. It was time to say goodbye, and he was surprisingly reluctant to let it all go.

His time there had impacted him and he couldn't erase its mark. He was Sasaki Haise. But, he wasn't. He was Kaneki Ken. But, he wasn't. Just who was he? Who was the person he had become?

He had to decide. And he had to decide now. Sasaki or Kaneki. Haise or Ken. He had to choose. Choices. Choices.

Kaneki Ken turned his back, jumping down from the windowsill and towards his fate.

**Author's Note:**Thank you for all the support and the reviews from: Blackhatred, FreakyFee94 and Kayla TheMuffinLord.


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